a thousand times
by king.needlemouse
Summary: Shadow refuses to make a move because he's scared he'll just mess everything up. Sonic thinks that's stupid.


**ashbjkf what up gays it's currently 12:30 am and i'm rly tired but here we are! writing that homosexual fanfiction!**

 **anyways enjoy this 4k sonadow fluff of pining idiots. this is barely edited. i need 2 sleep.**

 **warnings for swearing**

* * *

"So."

There's wreckage surrounding the two as they catch their breaths, the sky above turning gold as the sun starts to burrow away for the night. Flames wrap around the carcass of Eggman's latest robot, devouring it remorselessly and hastily. Heat presses against both of their faces, flickers of amber light dancing in their eyes as they silently watch the destroyed mech crumble before them.

Eggman had long-since fled the scene, but that was fine, he always did. Now it was just them—Sonic and Shadow—standing in an arena of debris and shrapnel. When the latter looks to the former, he catches a thin trail of blood oozing down his leg; something from a minor cut. Sonic doesn't even seem to notice it.

Shadow falters, then parrots back awkwardly, "So."

He gauges this situation to be uncomfortable, from an outsider's perspective. But the ebony hedgehog has grown to cherish these little moments; where they both have to take a pause and catch their breaths, be it after a spar between the two or some big fight with Eggman.

And he'd thought Sonic felt the same, took ease in these moments, but right now he looks— _bashful?_ It's strange. He's wringing his fingers together, digging the toe of his worn sneaker absentmindedly into the dirt, emerald eyes cast down. And it's—it's the exact opposite of how he normally acts, suave and carefree and so ridiculously impatient. Hell, he doesn't think Sonic even knows the _definition_ of the term 'hesitation.'

Yet here they are, trapped in this pregnant pause as the speedster fumbles for the right words. Shadow watches him in vague bemusement.

Finally, Sonic meets his eyes, and he looks—anxious. "Say, uh, I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna, um. Come to that carnival in town with me, tonight?"

The agent's heart leaps because _Chaos,_ Sonic considers him close enough a friend to _invite him along, but—_ Shadow grunts and crosses his arms, maintaining a distant and aloof stare. "Tch. Thanks but no thanks, I'd rather not spend my evening watching you and your little friends' antics."

Sonic looks like a kicked puppy all of the sudden and that's—that's not what he meant. He didn't mean to sound so bitter, he just—Chaos, he's so fucking bad at this, he wants so badly to let him in and yet he just keeps pushing him away like some idiot—

"Well, actually, I thought… I thought, maybe, just the two of us could go?"

 _Oh._

Shadow stalls for a good couple of seconds, before quickly putting up his detached front again to avoid showing his surprise. He swallows thickly, his lips feeling glued together. _Just the two of us?_

Emerald eyes are boring right into him and they look so _vulnerable._

Without thinking Shadow blurts, as reserved as he can, "… I suppose that'd be fine."

A tentative smile pulls at the corners of Sonic's mouth. "Cool. I'll stop by your apartment at, uh—how about eight, tonight?"

The obsidian hedgehog blinks, not quite processing what's happening. "Okay."

His uneasy smile stretches from ear to ear. The blue blur swipes at his nose and gives him a thumbs up. "I'll see ya' then!"

In a flash of cerulean he's gone, and Shadow can only stare ahead blankly.

* * *

Rouge is cackling, and with a groan, Shadow pulls a pillow over his face.

"You can't turn him down now," she presses, looming over him with mild disapproval and thorough amusement painted across her face. She's had to deal with this ridiculous, lovesick hedgehog for years now, and she's going to savor his suffering, dammit.

He doesn't move from his position, splayed along the loveseat as he clutches the cushion over his face. "I _won't,_ " comes his gruff, muffled voice. "I'm not cruel."

"Then what are you waiting for?! He'll be here any minute."

The hedgehog is stubborn, and he pulls the pillow down slightly to reveal tired red eyes. "This is stupid. I don't even—know what this is."

Rouge gives him a look. "He literally asked you out. And _you_ are literally head over heels for him. I don't see the problem, here."

But there is a problem, a huge problem, because—because Shadow's _scared._ He doesn't do relationships, be it platonic or romantic—not typically anyways. Rouge is only here, because, well, she's clung to his side from the moment Dr. Eggman first awakened him on Prison Island. And—and _Sonic._ As reluctant as he is to admit it, Sonic has grown to be one of his closest friends. After he'd shown Shadow on the ARK what it meant to be a hero, they'd steadily gone from spiteful rivals to— _companions,_ with a mutual respect and admiration for one another.

It's a good bond to have, and Shadow cherishes it, of course. But after awhile his stomach has began to fill with butterflies whenever Sonic laughs, and whenever he smiles at him, the agent can feel his face turn beet red.

Their relationship feels frail, as tightly-knit as it is. It's been tentatively kindled for years into something he wouldn't give up for the world, because Sonic is important to him. He can't lose him.

And—and going and doing something stupid like confessing his feelings might just fuck everything up.

Shadow isn't an idiot. He's seen the way Amy Rose has fawned over the blue blur since the beginning of time. Likewise, he's seen the way Sonic has so brazenly turned his head the other way, with his bold acclamations of how he could never settle, how a real relationship would only slow him down.

 _(And frankly, if Amy had been turned down so easily, then Shadow didn't stand a chance.)_

With a dry scowl, he tosses the pillow lamely onto the floor. "You know it's more complicated than that."

Of course she does, she's his roommate, she's listened to him pine over this stupid boy for a goddamn eternity. Rouge smiles and rolls her eyes. "Sure, but I also know you think too much. Maybe give tonight a chance, have a little fun. Maybe blue isn't as, well, _emotionally stagnant_ as you may think."

Sonic is… complicated. He's probably one of the most complicated people Shadow's ever met, when it comes to feelings, anyways. And it's almost ironic, because he's the _Hero of Mobius,_ he's world-renowned for being one of the most charismatic and selfless guys around.

But if Shadow knows anybody well, it's Sonic. Even if he's only barely gotten a peek behind it, he knows that the speedster is holding a curtain over his hard-boiled emotions. Beneath all the quips and snarky comments and light jokes, there's something deeper. And, more than anything in the world, Shadow wants to get to know that part of him.

Because as often as Sonic insists upon his undying devotion to his friends, the Ultimate Lifeform cannot recall a single time he has said the words, _'I love you.'_ Not to anyone, ever. It was like—it was like he was scared to show that he cared too much.

Truth be told, Shadow can admit that he's equally, if not _more_ emotionally complicated than the blue blur. He fights to be a hero just as much as him, but he's even more strict on letting people get to see the real him. Distance is much easier. And, frankly, he can relate to Sonic's opinions on love and relationships. He doesn't think he could ever imagine himself settling down, married, with five grandchildren and a house in the suburbs.

Above all else, the one thing Sonic and Shadow have in common is that they thrive on adrenaline. Taking action, putting in the work, earning their respect. It's part of the reason why they've been able to bond so easily and develop such a strong friendship, regardless of how stand-offish Shadow can be at times.

But as repulsive as the thought of giving up his life as it is for some sappy love story in the suburbs is, Shadow isn't… entirely opposed? He doesn't—he doesn't know, his emotional state lately has been an utter mess _(although, really, what's new)_ but sometimes, after a race across the city or a few hours of sparring, he finds himself staring deeply into Sonic's eyes, often times while the other obliviously lets his own gaze wander, and Shadow just _sees_ him, in all his beauty of disheveled quills and labored breaths and a gentle smile playing at his lips, and—

And all Shadow wants is to tell him how much he loves him.

Suddenly the doorbell rings, and he nearly falls off the couch from how startled he is. Rouge snickers at his demise. "You gonna get that, lover boy?"

The hedgehog snarls venomously at her, but from the doting look on her face and quirked brow, he figures it doesn't come off as intimidating as he'd intended.

With a low huff, Shadow finally brings himself to stand and trudge over to the door. His hand hovers over the handle for a few seconds, before he finally pulls it open and is greeted to a giddy hedgehog on the other side, rocking on his heels.

"Hey," Sonic says, only looking a little tense.

The striped hedgehog swallows the knot in his throat and steps outside. The sun has already fled the day, but it's a clear night out. The moon is nearly full as it beams down on them, millions of glimmering stars shimmering around it. Streetlamps cast their dim, incandescent lights down at the pair, and Shadow muses to himself that Sonic looks cute in it, his quills still a bit unkempt from their battle with Eggman a few hours ago, eyes wide and curious and flickering around.

Slowly, Shadow realizes it's probably been uncomfortably quiet for too long, and he opens his mouth to start conversation but can't find any words.

Seeming to catch the lost look on his face, the speedster smirks knowingly at him and runs a hand through his spikes.

"Wanna race to the carnival?"

The agent nearly breathes a sigh of relief, because thank Chaos, something familiar and not—weird and awkward. _This is exactly what he means, he can't ruin his relationship with Sonic, he's like some skittish, feral creature that he'll accidentally chase off if he gets even minutely hasty—_

Shadow tilts his head slightly, and nearly smiles. "It's hardly a race if I get there in half the time you can."

They share a shrewd look, but this is comfortable, and they're both grinning stupidly now. This is how it's supposed to be between them. This is normal. (It's not awkward. Don't make it awkward. _Maintain. Normalcy._ )

They're already sprinting down the long, winding streets of Station Square before Shadow even realizes it.

* * *

The carnival is… kind of really beautiful.

Red, green, and blue fairy lights are streamed along the rooftops surrounding the plaza, as Chun-nanese lanterns drift across the inky sky. A decently sized crowd is dispersed across the square, conversing at the various tents and standing in line for all of the rides. There's a massive Ferris wheel on the other side of the festival, spinning languidly around, red and white LEDs glistening along its spindles.

Shadow looks to Sonic to see his reaction, and is enchanted by the childlike wonder painted across his face. The speedster is beaming, his eyes wide and observant as he scans the entire area, looking as though he can't quite decide what to do first.

And then he seems to spot something, promptly gasping and darting forwards. The ebony teen watches him with muted interest, before Sonic glances over his shoulder after a moment and beckons for him to follow. He hesitates for a second, before conceding.

They stop at a nearby tent that's serving ice cream. The blue blur is already eager as he looks over the menu.

"I'll take a vanilla cone," he finally says, and then looks to Shadow. "What about you?"

The agent blinks owlishly and nearly scoffs. "I don't need any ice cream."

Sonic frowns, then turns back to the vender. "He'll have chocolate."

He nearly objects, but—some chocolate ice cream doesn't sound too bad right now.

They wait for the vender to prepare their treats for a moment, before the man trades Sonic for a handful of rings. The hero licks his lips, and hands Shadow his cone.

With a delighted hum, Sonic takes a greedy bite from his soft serve. A dollop of white cream hangs from the tip of his nose when he draws away to ponder the flavor, and he doesn't even seem to notice it. Thoughtlessly, Shadow reaches forward and wipes the ice cream off with a gentle swipe of his thumb.

"I can't believe you bite into your ice cream," he comments absently, before licking his own chocolate.

Sonic just seems to stall, and okay, he's starting to realize that wiping the soft serve from his face probably came off a _little_ more intimate than he'd meant, but it's fine, it's cool, they're just two friends hanging out—

He receives a pointed look as the blue blur swiftly recovers, before taking a more exaggerated chomp out of the side of his ice cream, just because he can. Shadow gives a theatrical shudder and distasteful sneer. "It's more efficient to bite it. Licking takes too long."

A roll of ruby eyes. "Of course you'd say that."

They fall into a comfortable silence, eating their cones at their own paces and idly watching the people wander around the plaza. When they're mostly done, Sonic takes a final bite of his cone with a resounding crunch, before nodding his head to the side and starting to stroll forwards. Shadow follows curiously.

He eventually realizes they're approaching the main attraction of the carnival. Emerald eyes flicker hesitantly to him. "Uh, do you—do ya' wanna go on the Ferris wheel?"

Shadow hums indifferently. "They're kind of dull, don't you think? You just sit down and go in a circle."

And—and he almost catches this look of disappointment on Sonic's face, but it's gone in an instant, replaced by a small, plastic smile. His heart aches guiltily. He shouldn't have said that, he just sounded like a jerk.

"Yeah. No, yeah, I totally agree." Sonic's voice is softer; almost melancholy.

But just before Shadow can even start to formulate some sort of apology because _fuck, why did he have to be so insensitive?—_ the speedster's eyes widen and he seems to light up a bit.

"Oh!" He bounds forward to stand right before the Ultimate Lifeform, grinning like an idiot. "I need you to, um—cover your eyes for a sec."

Shadow raises a brow, and humors him with a lopsided grin. "Sorry, what?"

Sonic looks a little sheepish, but he insists. "Only for a minute! Just—just trust me."

With a begrudging sigh, the striped hedgehog holds his hands over his eyes, and waits. He hears a breathy chuckle in front of him, before footsteps pad off hurriedly. And Shadow stands there, alone, covering his face like a dumbass for a solid few minutes. He starts worrying that maybe Sonic has ditched him, because this pathetic excuse for a—a get-together, a date, a _whatever-the-fuck-this-was-supposed-to-be,_ was a total disaster so far.

But then he receives a ginger tap on his arm. "'Kay, you can open your eyes now!"

He does, and nearly laughs because Sonic's standing there with a huge smile on his face, clinging onto a massive bundle of balloons. There's got to be at least ten.

"I, uh," the cerulean teen rubs the back of his neck. "I wasn't really sure what your favorite color was, so I got all of them."

Shadow considers the blob of balloons drifting above the other's head.

"I suppose it's probably blue."

Sonic's grin widens a little more at that, and Shadow thinks his stomach does a somersault. He can't help but smile a little lamely, too.

Tentatively, the hero takes a baby blue balloon from his collection and starts to tie its string around his rival's wrist. His fingers brush lightly against his arm as he works at it, and Shadow feels chills rush down his back as his cheeks grow warm and this fuzzy feeling curls up in his chest.

When he's done, Sonic takes a step back, almost as if to admire his work. The agent can't help but feel a little upset that the physical contact is already over, as pathetic as that is.

Shadow peers up at his balloon, waving his hand around feebly and watching in vague amusement as it bobs in the air. He then proceeds to keenly study the knot around his wrist.

"I-It's just so you don't lose track of it," Sonic explains.

The striped hedgehog murmurs quietly enough so that he can't be heard, "I hope I never do." He turns his gaze back to his companion, narrowing his eyes at all the balloons he still wrestles to hold onto. He raises his voice to a regular volume, again. "And what are you going to do with the rest of those?"

The blue blur falters. "… Uh."

"Here," Shadow says, starting to grab for them. "Can I ask what _your_ favorite color is?"

Sonic contemplates; tilts his head. "Mm, red is real pretty."

His lips twitch up a bit as he plucks out a cherry-colored balloon, placing it in the younger male's free hand before taking the remaining ones. Shadow examines the area for a moment, before deciding to place them on the ground and weigh them down with a sizeable rock. When he turns back, Sonic is watching him with a bewildered smile, and he just shrugs—although an equally vibrant smile threatens to pull at his face.

"Where to next?" the azure hedgehog wonders aloud, fastening his red balloon to his wrist as Shadow returns to his side.

He chews the inside of his cheek, combing a hand through his sleek, ebony quills. Eventually, he lets out a melodramatic sigh, trying to pull his most disinterested face. He knows it doesn't work. "Might as well ride the Ferris wheel."

The look on Sonic's face nearly makes Shadow's heart _burst._

* * *

The ride is fairly short, but it feels like it lasts an eternity.

They're close to each other, arms brushing and hands scarily close as they rest on the railing of the seat. Sonic dangles his legs over the seat they're in, swinging them nonchalantly in the air as he stares up at the stars. All Shadow can find himself staring at is _him._

For whatever frustrating reason, there's this unquenchable urge to—to just hold his hand, press a kiss to his cheek, tell him how beautiful the moonlight makes him look. But Shadow can't bring himself to do any of that. He refuses. He's _petrified._ He can't—he can't fuck up. He can't fuck this up.

They reach the peak height of the Ferris wheel and it halts, probably to allow for another rotation of passengers down below. The pair is silent, continuing their trance of stargazing. _It's breathtaking from up here,_ the agent remarks deftly to himself.

And Sonic—Sonic almost seems to lean in, just slightly, their arms pressed further against each other and his head tilting just a tad against the other's shoulder. It's such a subtle, insignificant gesture that it's hardly noticeable at all.

Shadow notices.

* * *

When they start walking home, it's almost midnight. Neither of them are sure how the time flew by so quickly.

And they're walking. Not racing each other, not sprinting down the streets—just leisurely strolling along the sidewalk, in the general direction of Shadow's apartment. It's relatively quiet, cars whizzing silently by as the bustle of Station Square crowds start to head back home. But filling the silence is Sonic's unabashed laughter, as he walks backwards and eyes his companion with this brilliant mirth swirling around in his emerald orbs. Shadow can't even really remember what he said to elicit such a reaction—Sonic's smile and laughter just seemed to give him a new high.

Eventually the speedster calms down, and rubs his face with a sudden fatigue he only now seems to be acknowledging. It comes to their attention that the agent's apartment is only a few more buildings down the block.

Sonic frowns slightly, then stops in his tracks. Hesitating, Shadow casts him an odd look and stops, as well.

The younger hedgehog seems to contemplate something, idly watching Shadow's blue balloon drift around above his head. Eventually he exhales sharply, and rakes a hand through his quills.

"Hey, uh, I had a lotta fun tonight."

Shadow wavers, before settling on an amiable shrug. "I enjoyed tonight as well."

This thick, suffocating tension falls over them, and Sonic quickly grows squirmy and anxious. Slowly, like he's approaching a skittish deer, he steps closer to his rival. They're face-to-face. Shadow remains pensive.

"Um," the blue blur says, and he looks like he's going to implode from _something_ going on in his head but he has no clue _what._ "Uh, do you mind if I… try something?"

The ebony hedgehog gains a wary look, but doesn't say anything.

Sonic smiles, but it looks fragile and taut. "Close your eyes. Just—Just trust me."

Shadow obliges without much argument or pause. Because he does. Trust him. More than anything.

There's another beat of silence, and he almost opens his mouth to ask what exactly the hero plans to do next, but then—

But then lips connect with his, soft and tender and scared. The kiss doesn't go anywhere, and only lasts a second, but Shadow feels like there's a firework show going off in his head.

Immediately, Sonic backs away and the other opens his eyes.

It is quiet.

"… Uh, was that—was that okay? Chaos, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

Shadow doesn't even think before he pulls Sonic in again, this time more passionately as their lips lock into place. The azure male moans just a little, out of surprise, out of ecstasy, he doesn't know, but then it's deepening and a tongue slips into his mouth, swirls around. He slides his hands around Sonic's waist, running one up to dig into the back of his head and massage his messy quills. He can feel gentle fingers gliding down to hold his hips and keep him in place as the younger teen purrs lowly in the back of his throat and gasps into his mouth.

They stop eventually, because they have to breathe, because they can't just make out for an eternity—as much as they want to. But they remain in their position, holding each other and panting as their noses touch.

Shadow swallows thickly. "I've—I've wanted this for a while."

Sonic lightly punches him in the arm, a teasing smirk on his lips. "Fuck you."

He receives a raised brow.

"You've been pining over me probably longer than I've been pining over you," the hero elaborates. "And yet it took me _literally_ kissing you for you to make a move."

And he knows Sonic is only joking, but he still feels a pang in his chest. "… I didn't want to ruin what we had. You never seemed interested in romance."

The speedster's face scrunches up, like he's trying to recall something, when a wide grin breaks out on his face in pure amusement. "Wait, you mean like with Amy?"

He gives a small nod.

Sonic snickers. "Dude, I just don't like her that way. And—and, yeah, I don't exactly wanna _settle down,_ per se. But that doesn't mean we can't have a relationship. I take it you don't wanna settle either, so… We'll figure somethin' out that works for us." He plants a chaste kiss on Shadow's bottom lip. "How 'bout a deal? None of that cheesy old, 'marriage and children and suburbs' bullshit. There's no rule that we have to do any of that."

Shadow considers this. "I suppose that's true."

The speedster grins deviously. "Cool, then. Now how about we go, uh… Make up for all the time we wasted _not_ doing this?"

He nearly asks, _doing what,_ but Sonic's already kissing him again and he figures that's his cue to shut up.

* * *

When Shadow sits down on the loveseat the next morning, Rouge is already curled up in the chair beside him, sipping at her black coffee. They instantly lock eyes, and she dawns a cheeky smile.

" _So…_ " she drawls. "How'd last night go, lover boy?"

It's pointless to deny anything—he knows his cheeks are already flushed, and there's the tiniest smirk on his face. The bat watches him expectantly, waiting for him to spill all the details of his date night.

Instead, Shadow huffs stubbornly and throws a pillow at her face.

* * *

 **uhh so i also just realized this is kinda? close to valentine's day so consider this fic a valentine's special i guess uwu**

 **anywho r &r this lame oneshot if u want, i'd appreciate it lmao. the next twtts chapter will be up in,, the next couple weeks prolly.**

 **ok gn every1 i'm gonna sleep**


End file.
